Fixture

A cup competition should be about new experiences, going places that you never been before and playing sides which are new to you. When we were drawn against West Mon RFC everyone knew they were from the Pontypool/Cwmbran area but few knew where they played. Playing three divisions below us there had been many a year that had passed since we last met but acquaintances were renewed last Saturday in a first round tie of a competition which provided plenty of new experiences for us last season.

With Super Gavin Hipkiss getting hitched to his lovely new wife we were a bit light in the forwards but we have had players missing for every game this season and had put in decent performances with the depth of the squad we now have. So we all turned up out at Panteg and then asked where the pitch was. Some odd looking old lady pointed down a barren and overgrown country lane, cackled wildly then ushered herself away just like a scene out of American Werewolf in London. We all looked at each other in bemusement but set off without a clue if we were going the right way.

Four hours later we eventually came to a clearing that sort of looked like a perfect dogging site which was punctuated by a set of 1970s junior school football/rugby posts. We lost four good friends on the way and our condolences go out to their families, we did try to find them but the wolf howls made sure we didn’t stay around too long to wait for them.

It didn’t start too well for the home side when their number ten didn’t even make three metres with his kick off and Oakdale took the scrum. Oakdale though didn’t capitalise on their early opportunity when they lost their own scrum ball and West Mon kicked for touch.

It was not until the eighth minute that Oakdale had their first sight of the opposition line when Jordan Wall pinched a lineout ball and went on one of his now expected runs. He used those dancing feet of his to sidestep the blindside winger and it was only when he was four feet from the line that he was brought down. With his team mates there in good support the ball was recycled and passed to the international tourist that is Anthony Slocombe but he was penalised when he refused to release the ball when he was brought down, also just short of the line.

Ten minutes later though Oakdale did record their first points of the afternoon when the ball was pinched again from a West Mon lineout. With the backs set in motion the ball went from nine to thirteen without a hitch although when Sam Dixon went to put Luke Lovell in the clear he had wrists as strong as Louie Spence and the ball rolled across the grass rather than sailed through the air. Lovell though should shades of a messy-esque (yes it is a ‘y’) ability to control the oval shaped ball and with a delicate left foot touch he pushed the ball passed the defender, ran around him and scored in the corner. The try went unconverted but Oakdale attained the lead for the first time.

West Mon though got themselves back in the game shortly after when Oakdale were penalised for hands in the ruck and a successfully converted penalty allowed them to close the gap to 5-3.

Lee Matthews got himself yellow carded on 27 minutes when he did his best WWF impression by clothes lining a West Mon runner at a lineout and Oakdale went down to fourteen me for ten minutes.

Just after the half hour, Dixon nearly redeemed himself by scoring a try but the Ref called it back for a forward pass. He did though award the Dale a penalty which Simon Veall took quickly. He fed Jordan Wall who wanted a try for himself but was tackled just short. When the ball was made available again it found its way to Anthony Isgrove who threw a good dummy to flummox the home side’s defence and he was able to cross for the Dale’s second try of the day which was converted by Veall to make the score 12-3.

It could have been very easy to be critical of the next Oakdale try as there were a few wrong decisions taken but it eventually resulted in a try for Keir Ennis. With Oakdale making their way towards the home side’s line a stray West Mon boot managed to hack the ball away from their line. Heading towards touch, the new Messy managed his best Bruce Lee roundhouse kick and snatched the ball back into play. He passed to Veall who had his back row guardian Ennis by his side and when he got the ball he showed his old backs moves to side step two defenders and cross the whitewash. Veal slipped right on his arse with the conversion but still made the two points to move Oakdale into a 19-3 lead.

Two minutes into first half injury time Oakdale were penalised again for hands in the ruck and a good penalty attempt from the ten metre line gave the home side their second points of the day.

HALF TIME SCORE – WEST MON RFC 6 V 19 OAKDALE RFC

Oakdale nearly scored with their first attack of the second half. Josh Thomas got himself close to the line but was held up just short and when Cripper Davies received at outside half he darted for the gap and went to put his hands past the tackler and take the contact but the defence was strong and he was held up over the line.

From the resulting scrum Matthew ‘Trevor’ Davies fed the ball to Cripper and he sent a long floating pass across his centres for Simon Veall to come steaming through and collect to take him over the line for a try which he converted to make the score 26-6.

West Mon came surging back and built up some good attacks but the Dale’s defence was resolute and eventually managed to snatch possession back. They set off with their backs looking for the hard yards and when the ball found Dixon he sent another of those Louis Spence passes out to Brett Turner. Luckily for Dixon, Turner, with his low centre of gravity was able to swoop down low and pick up the ball off the floor. Like Ieuan Evans against Scotland back in 1992 he side-stepped one, side-stepped two and side stepped another to run on for a well-deserved try which Veall converted to make the score 33-6.

With 53 minutes on the clock Oakdale scored the next try. Both Trevor and Jordan got close to the line but were unsuccessful. When the ball was lost after some loose passing it wasn’t in the home side’s hands for long as Josh Thomas had the strength to wrenched it back into the Dale’s possession and when the time was right he fed Veall who had the space and time to cross for his second try which he converted to extend the away side’s lead to 40-6.

Four minutes later Oakdale stretched their leads further when Oakdale pinched another ball from a West Mon lineout. It was Curtis Perkins which took possession and he sent Jordan Wall looking for gaps. The ball was recycled and Cripper should have been pulled up for a massive crossing infringement but the Ref played on and he fed the try machine that is Simon Veall and he crossed for his hat-trick try which again he converted and took the Dale into an impressive 47-6 lead.

On 62 minutes Cripper made a great break and he fed Veall who fed Sam Dixon. Dixon trying to atone from his earlier loose wrist passes went to send Brett Turner into a try scoring position but those hands let him down again and the ball went forward. From the resulting scrum Curtis Perkins hooked well to snatch possession and when the ball found Cripper he danced like he never danced before and found himself over the line. Such was his joy that like Daft Punk once sang he lost himself to the dance and didn’t realise he had crossed the dead ball line when he put the ball to the ground. Everyone shouted ‘Dick of the Day’ and possession went back to the home side.

Oakdale managed to finish the match with 12 men but didn’t concede anymore points. With Josh Thomas leaving the field injured it was left to two of the more ‘senior’ players to collect an ‘array of cards’ which will probably be remembered for a very, very long time!!!!!!

FULL TIME SCORE - WEST MON RFC 6 V 47 OAKDALE RFC

Did we play well? We must have to score forty seven points against a spirited lower league side but there are plenty of things to work on and to get into the second round of the bowl, a competition we so badly want to do better than we did last year will please everyone. We are going to ‘click’ very soon and pity the fool that stands in front of us that day.

COST OF ENTRY TO GAME – Four good friends. That country lane had everyone shitting themselves. No-one expected to last as long as it did and it went on and on and on.

QUALITY OF MATCHDAY PROGRAMME – There wasn’t one. I’m not going to complain though that only happens for league games

QUALITY OF AFTERMATCH MEAL – Like an old friend, chicken and curry and chips with bread was on the menu. They were steak cut chips but not too many and the curry had good bits of chicken and was accompanied by some peas and onions. Just a tip though, if you cut the polystyrene cartons in two you can double the amount you have

MEDICAL UPDATE – We did contact West Mon on the Tuesday just to check up on the unfortunate lad who was tossed unceremoniously into the stingies. Their committee was able to tell us that he had regained the feeling in his upper body but the swelling in his face had not gone down far enough to be able to completely understand what he was saying. The only thing that they were able to decipher was the phrase ‘Barber, You Bastard!!!!!!!’